After It All
by saki.ikumi
Summary: Kurofai, quite a lot of SubaruxKamui in the 9 10 chapters and some Ashurafai. I'd say this is my best fic yet. It is a bit gory and sad at parts. actually most of the story is sad But it will have a semi happy ending. Lots of angst. You've been warned.
1. Chapter 1

**I got bored, so now I'm doing ****another****Tsubasa fic. I don't think I'll be able to keep track of them all! Gah**!** (Good news, everyone! I got spell check!)**

**NOTE: This is set AFTER acid Tokyo, but before all that infinity stuff.**** And 'the blonde' is Fai. 'The spiky haired dude' is Kuro.**

**Disclaimer: I own a poster of Fai and various graphic novels… but not Tsubasa in a whole…**

**Saki Ikumi-chan**

**WARNING! Blood-drinking, Vampires, ****and excessive swearing****! The squeamish should look away immediately!**** (And parentheses means inputs from the author)**

**After It All**

Chapter One

A tall and thin blonde man looked up at the dark sky. He was obviously a foreigner, with a white coat with fur on the edges, even if it was quite warm. He wore tight black pants which almost reflected the sidewalk below him. He looked as if in a trance, his arms pinned to his sides, his eyes nearly glazed over. People turned to look at him as they walked past, but turned away and dismised it as just another homeless man. This country was unusually busy, with all the people crowding the streets, even in this time of night. There was no cars, no electricity, only the candlelight that flickered in people's homes and the dull moon were to light the street. Another man was beside the blond. He was about four inches taller and had short spiky black hair. His tanned skin didn't reflect off the light of the moon like the blonde's did and he had a totally different aura.

"We're going," said the spiky-haired one gruffly.

The blonde nodded, not able to speak as he was literally dragged to follow what looked like a white pork bun and a short brown haired teen. The blonde looked away when he was sure the tanned one wasn't looking.

_I don't want this mask to cover my face anymore…_

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Fai! Me and Syaoran made tea!"

Fai turned to look at Mokona, who was bouncing on a nervous Syaoran's shoulder. Tea was on a platter and Mokona's bouncing made it hard for Syaoran to keep it from spilling. Syaoran didn't speak as he held out the sugar and a cup of tea, silently asking him if he wanted sugar. Fai reached over to take the cup, but then Mokona's bouncing got out of control. The tea spilled all over Fai's shirt, dripping down onto his lap.

"Aaah!" Cried Mokona, quickly bouncing onto Fai's shoulder, leaving Syaoran and the empty platter, broken tea cups around his feet. "Fai, you have tea all over you!"

"I know, Mokona…" Said Fai, feigning a smile and trying to hide his anger. "I'll go change and then help Syaoran-kun clean it all up."

"Very sorry, Fai-san," said Syaoran quietly.

Fai stood, careful not to step on the broken china as Syoaran knelt to pick up the pieces. Syaoran was quieter lately, since Sakura was gone. He avoided talking to anyone, especially Fai. Whenever he was with him, his eyes drifted to Syaoran's eyes. One blue, one a milky brown. And Fai always had the impulse to lightly touch his eye patch (makes me think pirates whenever I put that word down…) . His eye wouldn't return, and he didn't feel comfortable in the same house as him. Fai hadn't been able to sleep lately.

Fai ran his fingers through his long blonde hair, releasing it from its tie. He pushed the door open to the room he shared with the ninja. As usual, Kurogane was sitting on his desk, cleaning the bloodstains off his knife. Fai smiled lightly as he came in. Kurogane looked at him in confusion at his apparel.

"What's wrong with you?" Asked Kurogane, standing up.

"Syaoran and Mokona spilled tea on me," said Fai, picking up the clothes on the dresser. "I'm going to change."

He closed the bathroom door without locking it and pulled off his shirt. He unfolded the white t-shirt he had picked out. He slipped it onto his thin frame and buttoned the buttons one by one. He looked at the reflection in the mirror. He pressed a hand to the pale face in the glass. He didn't want to see himself. He didn't want to see the reflection that somehow always made his heart clench. He didn't want to see his brother in that reflection and make him feel more useless than he already was. He looked away.

He picked up the black pants he had chosen and slipped of the ones he was currently wearing. He quickly slipped them on and sat on the floor, his head in his hands. He felt his smooth blonde hair brush against his fingertips and he looked up at the ceiling.

"I really don't deserve this, do I?" He muttered.

He was talking, of course, of being safe. He was finally safe, after all the days with Ashura and Yuui and the dead of his country. Of course Yuui had sacriiced his life for Fai's and Ashura had fallen ill right before Fai had left. To tell the truth, Fai was glad he was dead. But he couldn't help but feel guilty also. If he wasn't traveling with Syaoran and Kurogane and everyone, it would have ended up a lot better than what had happened.

He pushed open the door lightly, carrying the wet clothes over his arm as he stepped out of the bathroom. Kurogane was still there, sighing and looking sseriously at his sword. Fai dumped his clothes into the basket and leaned over next to him.

"You look serious," said Fai, smiling lightly at him.

"I hate it when you do that," muttered Kurogane.

"Do what?"

"Put on that stupid mask…"

Fai looked away for a moment. "What else am I supposed to do?" He asked, looking at Kurogane, his eyes asking the same question he just voiced.

The question hung in the air like smoke. What else was Fai supposed to do? With all he's been through, with all the people who have betrayed him, with all the death he had seen, was he supposed to show his true self? How could he trust anyone ever again if all they have done is make him feel even worse? How could he trust anyone if all people have ever gotten out of getting involved with him is sadness?

Fai smiled once more and then left the room.

**Please tell me… Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Want me to throw myself off a cliff? Whatever you think, please review! Chapter 2 will be up if I get enough reviews. I put a lot of thought in this one, more so then my other fics. I'm debating whether to put in Tomoyo and Chii too, please tell me what characters you would like to be put in the story in a review!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2! I'll try to limit the spelling mistakes on this one. Please review after you read and tell me what you think!**

**Okay everyone this is what happened before chapter 1. Fai's eye got gouged out, Sakura's**** mysteriously disappeared (truth is I really don't like her character much so I just made her go away), Yes, Syaoran has one blue eye and one brown one and Kurogane did pay the price to save Fai's life and yes, Fai is a vampire.**

**Disclaimer: Do not own this.**

**Saki Ikumi-chan**

**After It All**

Chapter Two

-CHAPTER TWO-

"Fai did you clean off your clothes?" asked Syaoran.

"Yes," said Fai, smiling at Syaoran. "Where's Mokona?"

"Getting more tea," said Syaoran. "And it's getting late so I suppose I should be getting to bed soon."

"You can go ahead," said Fai. "I'll tell Mokona."

"Thank you."

Fai entered the kitchen with the usual smile on his face. Mokona greeted him with an almost as happy smile, holding up a cup of tea. He also had a half empty bottle of wine next to him.

"Where's Syaoran?" asked Mokona, swinging his legs against the counter in a steady rhythm. "I wanted to give him some of the tea I spiked."

"He went to bed," said Fai. "I'll have some of that, though."

Fai smiled and took one of the cups, the one least full. Mokona waited in happy anticipation for Fai's reaction. Fai slowly put the cup to his lips and drank fully. He immediately coughed, putting his hand over his mouth and forcing him to swallow. He winced, but feigned a smile for Mokona.

"Did you like it?" asked Mokona gleefully.

"Very much," said Fai, smiling and holding his cup still. "But I think you better get to bed soon. Syaoran's probably getting lonely."

"You're right!" Said Mokona defiantly, standing up and jumping off the countertop with ease. "I better go keep him company!"

Fai smiled lightly at his antics as he bounced out of the kitchen. The wine probably had gotten to his fragile mind. Fai cleaned up the rest of the tea and turned on the water to hot. He splashed it over his face, trying to warm his skin. But when he touched it, it was just as cold as before. He gave up easily and leaned against the wall, running his fingers through his long hair in annoyance. He was thirsty. Not thirsty in the normal way, thirsty as in needing something. Needing something that he could only get by causing pain.

"Hey,"

Fai turned. There was Kurogane, standing with one hand on the doorframe. Fai didn't smile this time. He didn't need to. Kurogane's sword was in his hand and he was staring at Fai, as if he was concentrating on something he didn't understand. Fai looked away as he heard the sound of knife against flesh.

"Go ahead," said Kurogane. Fai looked at the blood for a moment, and then looked away in refusal. "You need it. Don't try to lie to me."

Fai looked up slowly at the wrist Kurogane had shoved under his nose. It was bleeding heavily and it was a dark red. _Just like his eyes…_ Fai thought. Fai didn't waste any time, however. He reached out and pressed the wound to his lips. The blood flowed into his mouth as Fai slowly closed his eyes. It tasted… weird. Not like anything Fai had ever tasted before, of course. It had the consistency of melted chocolate, but the taste was metallic.

The blood stopped flowing after a while and Fai looked up at Kurogane with questioning eyes. Kurogane looked down at him, his mouth over the pink wound, clear of all blood. His eyes were dazed and half glazed over, his face was as pale as a ghost's, and his hair was released from its ponytail and hung over his eyes and his lips still had blood caked around the edges. He smelled of sweat and spiked tea, but still Kurogane couldn't help but stare.

"I'm sorry," said Fai, letting Kurogane's arm drop to his side. "I'll be going to sleep now."

Fai left the room, slowly licking the edge of his lips so they were clear of blood. He covered his eyes (or should I say, eye) and felt the tears slowly fall. He dropped to his knees when he entered the bedroom, rubbing his eyes. Was this what he really had become? So weak he couldn't even live without depending on someone that so obviously hated him?

"Dammit!" Fai said, throwing the pillow against the wall.

He pressed his hands to his face and winced at the pain. It was still scarred and painful, even though it's been weeks. Lately he's been angrier than usual. At everything. At everyone. And he was so… so tired… Fai threw himself down onto pillow, purposefully hurting his head. Of course, he didn't bleed. Fai heard the door open slowly with a creek and he turned away from the door, knowing very well who it was.

Fai slowly looked at Kurogane as he sat on the edge of his own bed. He was looking away, sliding his sword back into its case. His sleeve was rolled back down so Fai couldn't see that cut. That was the first time Fai had ever drunk blood from Kurogane. He felt sick.

"Aren't you going to sleep?"

Fai looked up at Kurogane without even a hint of a smile. "I don't want to sleep."

"Whatever."

Kurogane suddenly walked over to Fai's bed and sat down next to where he was curled up. Fai retreated from the light touch of his hand on his shoulder.

"Don't feel bad just because you took something you need," said Kurogane, in a slightly annoyed tone, taking his hand off of Fai. "It's not like you forced me to do it."

"Yes," said Fai. "I forced you to do it because of my own carelessness. I could have just prevented the blood loss from the eye with a spell! I could have prevented all… all this! And you still don't just tell me you hate me?!"

"I don't hate you, Fai," said Kurogane, standing up and looking down at Fai. "If I did hate you I would just let you die."

Fai looked up at Kurogane in shock. He didn't say people's names if there wasn't a reason. Kurogane was looking down at him differently than usual, with a mixture of worry and care. Care? Kurogane, care? All he had done was be hurt by being involved with Fai, even in a relationship close to hatred. No, Fai didn't hate Kurogane. He never had. But he had always felt distanced from the group.

He had always feigned that smile, but beneath the smile Fai was breaking little by little. It was because he felt as if he was alone. So very alone in this dark world. The last time anyone had shown him any care was years and years ago. That was Yuui, and Yuui was dead. He could still see the scene play back in his mind. Yuui's dead body lain against the cold floor of his room, Fai's screams echoing through the halls.

Ashura had come then. He had held Fai as he thrashed in his arms, screaming and yelling his brother's name over and over, accusing Ashura of murder. But then Ashura had whispered something in his ear, something that made him break down in tears.

_No one can hear you, Fai. No one can hear you because everyone is dead. And it's all because of you, of course. It's always because of you. __Because people included you in their lives._

It was true now as well. Sakura was lost, Syaoran had gone insane and Kurogane would probably die of blood loss sooner or later. Ashura was right. And it made Fai sick just thinking about it. And… so much blood. So much blood had been spilled because of Fai. All of the people of his country, Yuui, too many to count. It was worthless. _I should just die_. Fai thought.

And then he felt rough hands hold his face.

**Please tell me… Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Want me to throw myself off a cliff? Whatever you think, please review! I will make them kiss if I get up to 2 reviews. ****(Woo!**** Two reviews!) Yeah, still don't know whether to put in Tomoyo or Chii. Or if you want any other characters in, then please tell me! I'll try put to them in!**


	3. The Scars Would Stay Forever

**Chapter 3, all. I don't think there are any spelling mistakes. **

**Disclaimer: Do not own.**

**And, yes, I got 2 reviews, so guess what's going to happen? Hyuu! I'm excited too! Oh yeah, Tomoyo and Chii aren't coming in, so non-fans of them don't have to worry. And everyone, I named this chapter!**

**Saki Ikumi-chan**

**After It All**

Chapter Three: The Scars Would Stay Forever

Kurogane was looking down at Fai not like he usually did. He was looking down at him with pure affection. And Fai was looking up at Kurogane with fright.

He can't. He shouldn't. He_ won't_.

Will he?

Kurogane shifted a hand to the back of Fai's head and leaned forward. Fai was unable to move, stiff in Kurogane's arms. Why was he so warm while Fai was so terribly cold? Why was he so alive when Fai was dying? Why was he so dreadfully gentle to a person such as Fai? Why did he press his lips so softly to Fai's when Fai himself had taken his blood?

_I don't know._ Thought Fai as he felt Kurogane's lips pry apart from his. Fai looked up at Kurogane, still dazed from their short kiss. And then he looked down at their knees, which were pressed lightly together. They didn't speak for a while.

"I guess I better tell you," said Fai quietly, pulling apart from Kurogane, but only a bit so he could speak.

"Tell me what?" Kurogane was still short of breath, so the words came out rasped.

He wrapped an arm around Fai's waist protectively, so Fai wouldn't run away, like he tended to do.

"About Ashura," said Fai, his voice shaking when he mentioned the name. "And… me." He paused for a bit, placing his hands lightly on Kurogane's knees. "Please don't hate me after I tell you."

"What could you have done to make me hate you?" Asked Kurogane.

"I can imagine a lot of things," said Fai, looking up at Kurogane darkly. "Well, a long time ago, Ashura and I were very close. After Yuui died. I… I had convinced myself that I had hated him, but… I…"

He trailed off as his memory came back to him.

_It was raining. Fai sat cross legged in his room, staring out the window at the dead scenery. It really was dead. All of the beautiful trees and flowers Yuui and Fai used to play in, all just ruins now, just as the castle was. What Fai lived in was just something conjured up by Ashura, whose magic was far stronger __than Fai's. There were no people in this kingdom. Yuui was the last to die and Fai had been alone for three years now._

_A terribly long time to be alone._

_Fai's room was almost bare except for a large white bed, a mirror, and the small pillow he sat on to stare out the window, what he did every day now. And any time now Ashura would come. He would come and then…_

_There was a rapping on the door. There he was. Fai forced himself to smile. So Ashura wouldn't hurt him. Ashura entered without saying anything and stared down at Fai in a way that was purposefully meant to make Fai feel inferior. Fai felt __Ashura's__ long nails on his face and prepared for the pain he knew was coming._

_The scars would stay forever._

_"You look beautiful," said Ashura, kneeling down so he was looking Fai in the eyes. _

_"Thank you," said Fai in response immediately._

_He knew what was going on. He knew it from the look in __Ashura's__ eyes when he entered the room. God, Fai didn't know how many more bruises his body could sustain. Ashura didn't need to speak anymore. He let his fingers glide over Fai's face as he pressed his lips to Fai's._

_Fai felt the warm blood trickle down his cheeks as some fell between their lips. Ashura pulled away, tasting the blood. Fai wiped his mouth free of the blood as Ashura licked his lips and leaned in for yet another kiss. Fai knew what to do, what to say and what to pretend to make Ashura happy. _

_But by morning there would be bruises everywhere._

"Are you alright?"

Fai snapped back into reality as he heard Kurogane's voice. Fai nodded slowly and tried to go on, slowly remembering where he was in his story.

"I have to show you something," said Fai. "But don't do anything rash."

Kurogane knew what he was talking about once Fai slipped off his shirt. There were bruises everywhere; and harsh scars that seemed years old but still haven't healed. Kurogane looked upon Fai's skin in horror. The milky clarity of the skin that covered his face was nowhere to be found. There was what looked like nail marks everywhere and a particularly nasty scar upon his side. But there were no scars in shape of the markings he once held on his back.

"Who the hell did this to you?" Asked Kurogane, grabbing Fai's arms violently in anger. "I'll kill them. I'll murder the bastard."

"They're already dead," said Fai, pulling away from Kurogane. "And that hurts."

"Who was it?" Asked Kurogane, not bothering to grab Fai again as he slid his shirt back on, ashamed of the scars and bruises and oh, those terrible_, terrible _scars!

It was caused by someone he loved. Someone he trusted. That's why he didn't want to trust anyone, especially not Kurogane. And who could blame him? After all he's been through, after all of the… pain. Fai looked up at Kurogane and told him the truth.

"Ashura-ô," said Fai. "My king."

"H-How did he die?" Asked Kurogane, his voice shaking for the first time in his life.

The scars. Oh god, the scars. They were horrid and ugly and they made Kurogane cringe. Fai, who was always smiling. Fai, who had stayed by Kurogane through it all. Was this really the same Fai? The Fai who was always joking, always smiling, always laughing, always acting as if nothing was wrong, but there was something wrong. There was something very, very wrong.

"I killed him myself," said Fai.

And this time the smile was not fake.

**Please tell me… Did you like it? Hate it? Love it? Want me to throw myself off a cliff? Whatever you think, please review! If you want any particular character in, tell me, okay? I'll try to take any requests! Sorry this one's so short, but I thought it was a good place to stop it.**


	4. Things worse than death

**Gomenas****ai****! I was planning to get this out earlie****r, but I didn't have any internet****. Well, w****elcome to chapter 4, everyone! (I don't know why, but my hands shook when I wrote this.)****I tried to limit spelling mistakes like always.**

**Oh yeah, about the length of this story… It might be a MONSTER FIC!!!! I've never written one of those before… (Definition of a monster fic: over 10 chapters) Cool! ****For all who like this story…**** It shall go on!!!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, I wish.**

**Yes, ****still no Chii or Tomoyo, but Chii**** may come in at the end. Don't worry, not a love thing or anything****, I just need her for the plot. But I won't give away any more of the story!**** And the name of the chapter… well, I don't want to give anything away, but don't worry! No one dies!**

**Iku-****chan**** (New nickname)**

**After It All**

Chapter 4: Things Worse Than Death

"Fai," said Kurogane, placing his hands on the blonde's shoulders. "Listen to me. I don't hate you just because you killed someone. I killed a lot of people."

"I'm tired," said Fai, looking up at Kurogane.

He was nearly sitting on Kurogane's lap, his hands on Kurogane's knees, his eyes drowsy and his face was truly and honestly tired. Fai curled Kurogane's baggy black shirt in his fists. He surrendered suddenly and pulled his hands from Kurogane and looked up to see his face. Kurogane was looking down at him lightly. Kurogane placed a hand on Fai's face as he looked up at him wide eyed.

"Then sleep," said Kurogane, letting Fai sink down back onto the bed.

Kurogane looked away, letting Fai a minute of peace. After a couple minutes Kurogane looked back, feeling a hand tug on his pants. The blonde was turned towards him, sleeping with one of his hands grasping Kurogane's pant leg. Kurogane brushed a stray lock of golden hair off his face and stared at him almost fondly.

He was very unsure of his feelings for the magician. One moment he was happy, one moment he was drinking Kurogane's blood, one moment he was showing Kurogane the scars Ashura left on his body, and the next moment he was sleeping like a baby. Kurogane looked down at his immobile body. His blonde hair hung over his closed eye and Kurogane could see his chest rise and fall with every shallow breath he took.

It was strange. He wielded amazing amounts of magical power, yet he couldn't save himself from turning into a vampire. And it was also strange, because he didn't act like the vampires of legends. He slept quite a lot, maybe that was just because of his magic, he could see himself in the mirror and he could eat regular food. He was just a person. A person with a thirst for blood. Kurogane shook his head.

The night lived on until morning.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"Kurogane…"

Those were the first words Fai spoke when he awoke. He sat up and rubbed his eyes before his vision came into focus. Beside him was Kurogane, sleeping sitting up, his eyes closed and his head lolled off to one side. Fai smiled and threw his arms around the ninja.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Yelled Kurogane, his personality coming into play at his rude (Well, maybe not that rude) awakening.

"I can't help it, Kurogane," said Fai, grinning. "You're so cute when you sleep!"

"I'm not cute," growled Kurogane, but didn't make any effort to pry Fai's arms from his neck.

"But anyways," sad Fai, looking at Kurogane with post-sleep drowsiness. "Thank you for looking after me last night."

"Whatever," said Kurogane, looking away.

Fai smiled and got up, throwing new clothes over his arm as he closed the bathroom door. Kurogane sighed and got up, rubbing his face tiredly. God, yesterday was way too much. Kurogane changed quickly into a fresh black t-shirt and jeans and made the bed. He could still smell the faint scent of the magician, a smell of sweat and blood and the vague scent of shampoo.

Kurogane didn't know what to say. The words didn't quite sink in until now, but… Ashura had abused Fai? Why? What were their terms? Friends? Father and son? Lovers? Enemies? And what could have been so bad about killing Ashura? And why did he act so different around Kurogane?

He'd have to ask the mage later. But one of the questions really stood out in his mind. Maybe it was just because he was jealous. Was Ashura Fai's father? An abusive father? Or a friend? Or an enemy that kept him locked up just to hurt him? The door opened slowly to the bathroom. Fai excited and dumped his clothes in the bin and looked at Kurogane, who was sitting on the bed, deep in thought of what to say to Fai. Fai plopped down next to him.

"What's wrong?" Asked Fai, staring at the clock. It was seven thirty, and Syaoran and Mokona probably weren't up yet.

"Was Ashura your father?" Asked Kurogane.

"No."

"Your friend?"

"No." Fai's voice was definite on this one.

"An enemy?"

"Kurogane, he was the king of my country. I don't think he would be an enemy." This time there was a trace of laughter in his voice. The laughter Kurogane yearned to hear again.

"Were you to lovers?" Kurogane looked away slightly at this one.

This time Fai's voice was hurt. Kurogane looked up at him as he told the absolute truth for once in his life.

"Yes," said Fai, his voice shaking and cold. "H-He loved me."

"B-But the bruises…" Kurogane was just as nervous.

"I don't want to tell you all of that," said Fai honestly. "He was very rough with me. Sometimes more than others. It all depended on what mood he was. Sometimes he actually used a knife on my stomach, but usually he just used his nails or his fists. But we did… the usual things lovers do also… But he was also rough with that to. But I… I _had_ to put up with it. I had to. He was very powerful and he said that he would take away my soul if I didn't obey him."

"Take away your soul?!" Asked Kurogane, alarmed.

Kurogane wasn't as knowledgeable in these subjects as Fai was.

"Sometimes," said Fai, looking deep into those pools of red that were Kurogane's eyes. "There is punishment worse than death. That is one of them. But when I was with him, I sometimes wished for death. But that was when I was weak."

Worse than death. Yes, there were such things worse than death. Death was a quick escape for the suffering, the starving, those in pain and those who wished for it. If you wish for death you are truly weak. People with strength live on. People with strength die when it's their time.

"He was one of those people," said Fai. "One of the people who yearn to see people in pain. The people that like to see the blood on their fingers to prove they really are that powerful. The people who enjoy the tears, the bruises, the scars… and they call what they do love."

Fai trailed off. He looked up at Kurogane. Kurogane was looking down at him. So… Ashura was his lover. For a while anyway. Until Fai killed him and now he was here. He was here with Kurogane. Kurogane pulled Fai to stand, standing as well.

"That's not love," said Kurogane defiantly.

It was weird to hear the antisocial ninja talk about love, let alone the mask-wearing magician. In the short time of a day he had opened his heart out to Kurogane, shattering his mask and leaving him helpless and void of any defense.

"I know," said Fai. "He was lying to me. I know that no one loves me."

Fai looked up at Kurogane. Kurogane looked down at him. They stayed like that for a while until Kurogane pushed Fai's head into his chest and wrapped his arms around his neck.

"That's not true," said Kurogane.

"It's not?"

"The white pork bun loves you," said Kurogane, running a strand of Fai's hair through his fingers. "I'm sure the princess loves you. And that Chii girl," Kurogane trailed off.

"Kurogane?" Asked Fai, looking up at him. "Do you love me?"

Kurogane honestly didn't know what to say.

**Hyuu! Cliffhanger! Review please! I need Ideas for the next chapter****If you want any particular character in, tell me, okay? ****This**** one was pretty long. Yay! **

**Oh yeah, some thank yous…. –Phantom-Angel-89… You reviewed on every single chapter! I hope you like this one. And kenarbes for your great advice.**** (And that's all the reviews I ****have up 'till now****. That's pretty sad.)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Yay! My longest chapter yet! Even though I think this one is kind of pointless and long and you guys will go like, 'Nooooo!!!' at the end of it, I still hope you all like it! Tried to limit spelling errors. (Used spell check.**

**Disclaimer: If I had one wish, it would be to own Tsubasa.**

**Yep, I put Chii in this one. Sorry! It's not a love thing!!! I j****ust really need her character! Please forgive me!****! The name was basically just something that was made up, cuz I was too lazy to make up a real chapter title. Sorry!**

**Iku-chan**

**PS: I took a test that said it would find out what DNAngel boyfriend I would get… and I got Krad!!! I thought I would get Satoshi or something… but I got Krad! It said that he was a control freak and wasn't very emotional. I still can't believe I got him… hahaha…**

**After It All**

Chapter Five: Sleep

Fai couldn't remember the last time he felt like this. Like this…. Loved, cherished, the feel of being needed. With Ashura it was… Well, Ashura thought of love as something very physical, painful, and it wasn't like what Kurogane was doing to Fai at all.

Ashura would take out everything on Fai, no matter if Fai did anything or not. Sometimes Fai would have to lie to the doctors when he coughed up blood from Ashura's constant abuse. But that was before everyone was gone. At the end… it got really bad. Fai would feel faint often and pass out from all of the blood loss, and Ashura was rarely gentle with him, like he did sometimes when he wasn't mad.

Fai thought of it as a miracle when the feathers fell from the sky when he was huddled outside hiding from Ashura. It had given him hope, and now here he was, wrapped in another man's arms, asking him if he loved him. Love? But what was love worth after all Fai had been through? What was love after all the lies Fai had been told, all the lies Fai himself had told? After all, whoever involved Fai in their lives tended to live and die horribly.

But Kurogane wasn't speaking to him. He was looking down at him in a daze, almost looking as if he was still half-asleep. Fai took a deep breath and wrenched himself from Kurogane's warm hold on him. He looked away.

"I'm going to go make breakfast," said Fai, even though he couldn't possibly eat anything.

He entered the kitchen tucking a strand of hair behind his pale ear and plastered his fake smile onto his face. Mokona greeted him, its face covered in flour.

"'Morning, Fai!" said Mokona happily, wiping the flour off his eyelid with his paw. "Mokona and Syaoran are making muffins, want to help?"

Syaoran was standing beside Mokona, whisking the mixture in a large bowl. Fai tensed seeing him. He could sense the magic that radiated from him. Fai knew if he tried to fight Syaoran, tried to get his eye back, he would never win. They were equally matched, and the only reason Syaoran didn't take his other eye is because of Kurogane.

But what could Kurogane do if he was up against magic? Especially magic so strong as Fai's. He would stand no chance and then… But could they really get rid of Syaoran? Because if anything happened to Syaoran, or Fai, or Kurogane, or Mokona, they were all doomed. If Syaoran dies, Fai dies. If Fai dies, Kurogane dies. If Kurogane dies, the whole thing would have just been useless.

_Does that mean I'm needed?_ Needed? Was anyone _really_ needed in the whole scheme of the world? Of course, everyone yearns to be needed. To be cherished and cared for and loved. Those who aren't end up like Fai. Lonely and lying and sad. Fai found it hard to smile when he saw Mokona.

"I think I just need some time outside, Mokona," said Fai, smiling and waving his hand. "I'll be back to help with lunch."

Fai turned and walked out the kitchen and to the front door. Truthfully, he didn't want to be near Syaoran when he still held the power. He knew he could burst out into his other self at any minute. The cold air rushed to meet him and he looked around. The roads had snow covering them and Fai relished the feel of the snow crushing underneath his feet.

There were few people out; most of them all huddled beneath hooded and furred coats. Fai relished the feel of the cold air on his face, reminding him of his days in Celes. He sighed, looking down at his own coat. It was white like the one he used to own, but the markings were gone. He walked down the street to the park, each step making the snow crunch a little too loud for Fai's liking.

There was no one out, so Fai was alone leaning over the rail above the frozen lake alone. He watched as each of his small breaths made a puff of white air in front of his face and rested his chin on his hand. He looked down as he remembered a day similar to this one. The day he found the feathers.

_A twenty-year-old Fai huddled behind the tower walls, his face in his hands. __His face was__ wet with tears and his face was flushed. He hugged his coat close to him and winced at the pain. This was going too far. Ashura had used a knife this time, threatening to slit his throat if he didn't cooperate. __And after Fai had pushed him away, Ashura had used the knife._

_There was a scar on his neck and he already had lost quite a bit of blood. His body was littered with fresh bruises and it hurt to even sit there. His stomach was aching and he knew that Ashura would find him at any minute. Then he would be hurt even more. He moaned and slid so he was lying down; looking up at the cloudy sky, letting the cold air beat down on his face. _

_"I wish I could die…" said Fai, rubbing his eyes clear of tears._

_But, of course, he couldn't die. It was not his time, and with his magic he couldn't kill himself. Fai closed his eyes, praying that someday he would get out of this place, praying that someday he would be reunited with Yuui… And Ashura would go back to being the old Ashura. _

_The old Ashura, who cared for Fai, and got him out of that sinner's place. The old Ashura, who was always gentle, and ruled this __country__. But the old Ashura was long gone. Now he had been replaced with a horrid murderer. Why? What could have made him so angry that he killed them all? _

_It was, just as he had said, Fai's fault. When Ashura had first started getting abusive, when the crops started to fail, and the people had started to fall ill, Ashura had started getting rough. And when Fai said he couldn't take it anymore, and said no when Ashura asked him if he loved him that was when it all went wrong._

_He left at that moment, and the next day there were rumors of murder. It was in the fields, so it didn't affect anything much. There were rumors of a murderer lurking in the woods, and of course Fai had to ask for permission from Ashura__ to try to hunt down the murderer__. He had barged into his room, face flushed, coat hung over him in a hurry, staff in hand._

_He was leaning over a body, blood on his pale hands. He turned and smiled when Fai walked in. Fai stood mortified and Ashura had pinned him down on the floor with his bloody hands, throwing his staff to the side. Fai passed out at that instant and woke up later in his bed. By then, everyone was dead._

_Fai looked up once more at the sky. But then, at that moment, Fai began to feel a strong magical presence around him. _It's Ashura…_ Fai thought. But it wasn't. It was two small feathers, black markings covering them. Fai held out his hands and caught them. He held them to his chest, breathing in the aura. He really… He really felt as if he had hope right then._

_"Yuui," said Fai, opening his palms so the feathers could float in the air. "These are for you. You won't be alone anymore."_

_Fai muttered something and closed his eyes. The feathers shined for a moment and then the shining light morphed into something human-like. Fai opened his eyes and stared at his creations with something like wonder and freight__ and awe_

_"Go to Yuui," he said to the shapes the feathers had become. _

_The shapes immediately disappeared and Fai bit his lip. Hope? Was that Fai was feeling? There would be hope, yes. Fai clenched his hands together and waited for Ashura. He could remember the spell he had taught him perfectly, and it would come in good use now._

_Yes, sleep would be a good thing for the King…_

Fai sighed and put his hands in his fur-lined pockets. _I should be going back now…_ He thought, tucking a lock of hair behind his pale and cold ear. His blue eyes were half open and his eye was hurting more than usual. The cold weather reminded him of Celes, which only made him sadder.

He missed Yuui, he missed Chii, he missed the castle, and he missed so many other things… But…. What he missed the most was Ashura. He didn't really hate him. He couldn't, Ashura saved his life, his and Yuui's. Fai was a terrible liar anyways, even to himself. No matter how many times he told himself that he hated Ashura, in his heart he knew that he loved him.

As he started on his way home, a clear voice rung through his ears. He closed his eyes, straining to hear it better, knowing it was something important.

_Fai? Fai, can you hear me? _It was Chii's voice, a milky high-pitched voice. _Yes. What is it Chii?_ They were speaking in their thoughts, because of their bond of creator and created. Her voice was flooded with hurt and worry. Something was wrong. Chii would never contact him like this if nothing was wrong. But something must have happened at the castle.

_It's Ashura._ Said Chii, her usually milky voice destroyed with fright and worry. _H-He's woken up. I-_ She abruptly stopped; her voice cracking similar to radio fuzz, and then the there was silence. Fai's breathing was short and labored as he sank to the ground.

"No…" he said, burying his face in his hands.

**Sorry for the boring chapter,**** and the long wait,**** but it had to be done**** (Well not the long wait, I was on vacation)****. You'll find out what Kurogane is doing in the next chapter. And where the feather is. And what will happen to Fai. (Lots in the next chapter) Please review! As always, telling me what characters you want to be put in is appreciated!**** Did you guys know this chapter has the most words out of all the chapters? (About 200 more!)**

**Oh yeah, if you guys were wondering, yes, Fai did lie to Kurogane when he told him that he killed Ashura. But you'll find out why in the next chapter. I also need 3 reviews to get chapter 6 out, everyone!**


	6. I love you

**Forgive me for getting this out so late!!!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Tsubasa…**

**Yes, Ashura came back, all. And I kind of twisted what really happened, and made it more what I wanted to happen. You'll understand why in future chapters. Yeah, this one took a while ****cuz**** I had writer's block and I have to make up song lyrics for writing club and I HATE WRITING POETRY OF ANY KIND!!!!!!!!!!!! I've never in my whole life wrote poetry for fun.**

**Iku-chan**

**After It All**

Chapter Six: I love you

Fai looked up at the sky, so cold and grey and cloudy, and breathed out, watching his white breath in the freezing air. He reached a hand up to his cheek, smiling to himself lightly in a feigned attempt to cheer himself up. Of course, it didn't work. The smile immediately dropped from his lips as he heard a sound, standing up to look. His bottom lip was shaking as he tried to fake courage and steadiness as he heard a familiar and cool voice behind him. He didn't bother to turn around as he felt cold breath and strong hands on his shoulders.

"Fai," said Ashura, leaning forward, closing his eyes. "I haven't seen you in a while."

Fai whimpered.

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

"You bastard, what the hell did you do with Fai?" asked Kurogane, outraged, pinning Syaoran to the wall even though he knew very well Syaoran could beat him in any fight.

But he was just so damn angry. Syaoran gouged out his freaking _eye_ and now he…. He… Kurogane moved his hand up so he was clutching Syaoran's white t-shirt so their eyes were at eye-level. Kurogane could see his blood red eyes reflected in those pools of blue and amber brown.

"Kurogane-san, I don't know where he is," said Syaoran, his eyes begging. "I… I didn't do anything to him."

"God, you better have not," said Kurogane, releasing him, sending him flying backwards.

Kurogane left, leaving the sleeping pork bun and the double-sided kid alone in the kitchen. He threw on his coat on and mumbled to himself something incomprehensible and opened the door. The cold rushed at his face just as it had to Fai's. He clenched his teeth and his fists and zipped up his coat and looked around. There were more people around than when Fai had left, now that the snow had begun to melt. They all looked at Kurogane like he was crazy as he stomped through the perfect white snow.

There were a lot of things running through Kurogane's head at that very moment as he tried to conceal his horrid feelings of sickening worry in the base of his heart. He, in spite of all the feelings he had covered up, was slowly breaking inside. In a way, all of the travelers were.

Fai was, but he had been breaking ever since Ashura started to abuse him. Mokona was breaking because of all the sad people around you. With all the sad people around him, who wouldn't start breaking? Syaoran had been breaking since Sakura had left and Kurogane… Kurogane… he had been breaking ever since he started to feel something for Fai.

Because he knew that nothing would ever cure Fai, and yes, the scars would stay there. Kurogane couldn't imagine what it would be like to feel like Fai, for everyone he had loved either die or betray him. Or hurt him. He couldn't imagine what he was feeling when Kurogane kissed him. Probably terribly scared.

"Fai?" asked Ashura when Fai didn't answer, shaking not only because of the cold.

"Why aren't you asleep?" asked Fai, turning around bravely and looking Ashura in the eyes.

He had the air of a very cold person, with his long black hair almost grazing his chest. He was wearing all black, reminding Fai of Kurogane, and his face was paler than usual. He looked nothing different than before he was put to sleep. Just looking at him brought painful memories to Fai. Memories of the scars and the bruises and the sleepless nights.

_"I love you,"_

_How many times have those pointless words been uttered? It's not like they meant anything. It's not like they could make the wounds hurt any less… It had been three words that always brought fear to Fai. __Always brought that sickening feeling to his heart.__ He wondered what it would be like to hear those words when the person actually meant it. _

_As Fai lay awake in a bed next to an equally awake Ashura, he thought of this. Ashura was always awake when Fai was, just in case he decided to rebel. Fai turned around underneath the heavy blankets so he wouldn't have to face his so called "lover". He had tried to smile, like Ashura told him, but it didn't work. Not ever._

_And who would have known that years later he would be smiling and traveling without Ashura, with a man that he had grown to love… But then he couldn't smile. Everyone was gone; he was being controlled by a psychopathic maniac, who was addicted to him, and he couldn't find anything to live for._

_Who wouldn't wish for death?_

"I'm going to take you with me," said Ashura, when Fai was still in a trance-sort of state as he recalled not-so-fond memories. "Fai."

"No," said Fai, retreating from the light touch on his neck.

"You know I can overpower you any day…" Said Ashura, smiling and pressing his hand over Fai's eyes, immediately silencing him.

Ashura leaned over for a kiss as they both disappeared.

Fai awoke slowly in someone's arms, a throbbing headache engulfing his head. He groaned and looked up at Ashura, who was also staring down at him. Fai looked away, biting his bottom lip as he looked around at his surroundings. He was sitting in that familiar room… his room before he put Ashura to sleep. They were seated atop one of Fai's huge pillows he used to curl up upon and sleep after Ashura was… done with him.

"Let me go back," said Fai, backing away from Ashura's tight embrace.

"Don't tell me you want to go back to _him_," said Ashura, 'pfft'ing and taking a lock of Fai's blonde hair in his fingers violently, pulling him closer. "It's useless, don't you know?"

"How is it _useless_?" asked Fai, not bothering to back away, knowing that it would just hurt him.

"He obviously doesn't feel anything for you," said Ashura. "Your feelings for him are useless. He's just taking advantage of you. You're magic. And besides, once you're cured… of being what you are, he'll leave you. Just like everyone else. Fai, you do remember the rest, right? Yuui… Chii… you do remember?"

"What did you do to Chii?" asked Fai, his voice sick with worry.

Ashura reached into his pocket, taking out two feathers. Fai choked on his breath and put his hand softly against his mouth, not bothering to hold back his scream.

"Kurogane, you wish to find Fai?" asked the witch, appearing on the water where Fai had just stared deep into.

"Yes," said Kurogane, his eyes blank.

"You'll accept any price?" said the witch. "It will not be your life… But you will have to travel to another world by yourself."

"Yes," said Kurogane again, his patience dwindling.

After all, what if Fai was in trouble? What if something was threatening to kill him? What if… God, Kurogane didn't even want to try to guess what Fai was going through now.

"Your price is that you must stay with him forever," said Yuko, reaching out to thread a strand of her long black hair through her long white fingers. "Even when he is cured of being a vampire. Even if you two grow to hate each other, you still have to stay together. Are you willing to do that? Are you willing to keep him safe from everything that's after him?"

Kurogane looked down, considering this all, even though he already knew what he was going to say. What was his feeling for the mage? He surely didn't hate him… but eventually would they grow to hate each other? Did Fai hate him already? For not saying anything after Fai asked him if he loved him? And when he was cured of being a vampire they would have to part.

But Kurogane didn't want that to happen. He wanted to stay with Fai, even if Fai didn't like him. And… yes, he wanted to keep him safe. Even if Fai did hate him. Even if Fai would never express anything to Kurogane, he still wanted Fai. He wanted him so much…

"Yes," said Kurogane defiantly.

**I think I wrote this one better than the last one. And do you think I made it clear that Kurogane likes Fai? If I didn't that's kind of pathetic… anyway… You know how the last one ended with 'No'? This one ends with 'yes'!! Yeah! Well, you didn't find out why Fai lied, but you will. I promise. **

**Oh yeah, do you think I should put Tomoyo in? Do you think Sakura should be saved? Do you think Syaoran should die? Please answer these questions for me! I need help!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	7. Always

**This one came out earlier than expected! Yay, Yay!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Tsubasa Kurogane and Fai would be… well…. You get the point.**

**Chii's dead. Uh oh. Ha-ha, I hated her anyways. And another I hate will be dead in this chapter too. Poor Fai. He's like, breaking. Oh my god, I just found the best song (totally off topic, Iku) DOKI DOKI WAKU WAKU it's terribly cute!**

**Iku-chan**

**After It All**

**Chapter 7: We'll Always Be Together**

Fai covered his face as he turned around so his eyes didn't have to be invaded by Ashura's piercing pitch black eyes. She… She was dead. Fai didn't cry, he couldn't show such a weakness in front of Ashura (god save him if he did…), but he did shake as he sunk to the ground on his knees, not able to move any more, not able to speak as Ashura kneeled down next to him and touched his shoulder lightly.

"Are you breaking Fai?" asked Ashura, taking Fai's shaking face in his hands. "Why are you breaking if you're going to stay here with me?"

His face reminded Fai of all he did, all the pain, all the suffering. The sight of his lifeless brother's face as he hugged him tightly, no warmth emitted by the cold pale skin. The harsh cold laughter that came from Ashura when Fai broke down crying. The old Ashura, who Fai had grown to love, who had kissed Fai so delicately, so softly, a delicacy that had left Ashura completely.

Who said that people could stop loving once they started?

Fai couldn't control himself anymore. He started to cry out, violently retreating from Ashura's touch, his whole body shaking.

As soon as Kurogane entered the world and heard Fai's cries and screams, he immediately rushed into the tall snowy castle, each second running faster. The stone floor of the castle was frozen and wherever Kurogane looked there were people in rooms, frozen cold but dead. When Fai lived here… what must he have been feeling?

He was surrounded by death. No wonder he wished for it. He must have been envious of the dead all around him, envious that they were released from Ashura's grasp. But who was this Ashura person? All Kurogane knew that he was once Fai's lover, and that he abused him, but nothing more. But… wasn't he dead? And Fai's brother too? Then why was he here if everyone was dead?

Kurogane stopped in front of the door where the screams were coming from and he took a deep breath and pushed open the door. There was Fai, on his knees, screaming down at the floor while Ashura wrapped his arms around him, burying his face in his chest, trying to muffle the screams he loved to hear so much. Fai's eyes widened when Kurogane entered turning to see his face.

Fai looked away immediately once Kurogane and his eyes locked. His red eyes seemed to pierce him. Read his heart, his mind, his soul. Those eyes who knew him so well yet didn't know him at all. Those eyes that had comforted him and hurt him soothed him and pained him. Those… those _eyes_. Those truth-telling eyes that could always see through that mask…

"G-Get away from him!" yelled Kurogane, rushing to pull Fai upwards and away from Ashura.

Fai shrugged away from Kurogane's grasp, suddenly lunging for Ashura. But Kurogane held him back as he yelled.

"Those are Sakura-chan's feathers!" yelled Fai, trying to release himself from Kurogane's grasp on his stomach. "Give them back to me!"

"Fai," said Ashura, bravely getting up and putting a finger under Fai's white chin. "You can't kill me. You're not brave enough to kill me, I know it. And if I die… you'll be alone."

That's when a fist collided with Ashura's face. Ashura spit out blood, coughing and turning to glare at Kurogane. He pulled Kurogane from Fai and pressed one of his nails against Kurogane's jugular vein, pumping precious blood to his head. Kurogane looked down at him with wide eyes as he held Kurogane's hands behind his head with one hand.

"I can kill you just as easily as I could kill Fai," said Ashura. "Here," he pressed his nail to his neck. "Here," said Ashura, moving his hand to wrap it around Kurogane's neck. "A lot of places. Do you want to die?"

"Ashura-ô! Don't!" yelled Fai, trying to rip Ashura from Kurogane.

Ashura slapped Fai as he squeezed harder on Kurogane's neck. Kurogane was running out of breath as he gasped, trying to pry Ashura's hands from his tanned skin. But Ashura was too strong. Fai tried to pull Kurogane away, but once again Ashura was too strong. And it was as if something was preventing him from touching Ashura.

"Please, don't kill him!!" yelled Fai as Kurogane's face turned red as he gasped for breath. "If he dies I'll kill myself!!!"

Fai bit his lip and conjured up the last of his magic. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself down, and then reached out to touch Ashura's neck lightly as he bit down into it with his overly sharp teeth, making Ashura fall to the ground.

Kurogane fell also, on his hands and knees, gasping for breath as Fai leaned over Ashura's neck, sucking the blood from the throbbing vain, closing his eyes so he didn't have to watch while Ashura's life drifted away. The color finally drifted away as Fai ripped his lips from the wound, breathing heavily. He fearfully looked over at Kurogane, blood still on his lips. He slipped his hand in Ashura's pocket, taking out the feathers and putting them in his own pocket.

Fai dropped Ashura's limp body and stood, facing Kurogane as he stood. He bravely took a couple of steps forward, breathing labouredly. He wrapped his arms around Kurogane's stomach and leaned his head against his chest, closing his eyes for a moment, breathing Kurogane in. He smiled up at him, oh god, it took so, _so_ much power to smile at that moment.

"At least that's over with," said Fai, smiling.

But it wasn't over with.

"Fai!" cried Mokona when Kurogane and Fai entered the kitchen, both silent. "Kurogane! You're back!"

Mokona jumped into Fai's arms and Fai smiled, embracing the furry creature. Syaoran didn't pay much mind, absorbed in his book about the country they were in. Kurogane just stood, slowly closing the door, as he watched the mage smile at Mokona. He couldn't possibly.

"Mokona," said Fai, smiling. "If you would excuse me, Kurogane and I have to go pack things up before we leave."

"You got the feather?" said Syaoran, immediately looking up from his book.

"Two," Said Fai, taking out the two feathers from his jacket pocket and holding them out.

Syaoran lunged and grabbed them from Fai's outstretched hands. Fai retreated from his sudden aggressiveness. They stood there for a couple moments, looking down on the floor before Syaoran spoke.

"Thank you, Fai-san," said Syaoran, bowing and pocketing the feathers.

Fai smiled painfully and followed Kurogane into their shared room, closing the door after them both. Kurogane turned when Fai closed the door, looking him straight in the eyes quite intimidating. He nearly pinned him against the wall. (Well, not nearly. Actually, he did pin him against the wall.) Fai looked up at him, expecting something.

"Why did you lie?" asked Kurogane, leaning in a bit closer so their faces were only about a half a foot apart. "About Ashura being dead."

Like Fai needed him to say that… Fai's legs were shaking, threatening to give out as he tried to look Kurogane straight in the eye. But he couldn't. Not when he had lied to him, he couldn't face him. There were so many reasons he had lied. He was… he was afraid. Of being weak. In reality, that was Fai's greatest fear, to show weakness.

Partially it was because of Ashura. If he ever showed weakness to Ashura, he just hurt Fai even more. One thing Ashura hated most of all was weakness, and Fai had learned not to show anything, just put up with it. Fai wasn't one to put up with much pain. Every person breaks after a while, and Fai had already broken.

Fai was weak. This he knew, but he was not a solitary person. He couldn't live without someone by his side, even if they hurt him or loved him or whatever. He just needed someone. He also feared being alone for the rest of his life, like he was in the tower.

_When Fai lay awake in the tower, he always heard the screams of his brother. They were his voice and when he looked down he saw his face in pain. He tried not to look down much as the tears ran down his face. Every bit of pain Yuui felt was as bad for Fai, even worse because he had to sit there, not able to do anything, crying until he couldn't anymore._

_He was only a child! Who would do such a thing to those children… just because they happened to be twin? Fai asked these questions every night, begging that they would be found, or at least Yuui, so they could live again. So they could see the sun again. _

_"Fai? We'll always be together, right?"_

**Sorry for the excess explanation points! Please review, sorry the chapter was short, I had to cut it down, cuz I thought this was a good place to end it, don't you think so? Now for some honors or thank ****you's or whatever.**

**SilverKleptoFox- you almost got all of what happened in this chapter right!!! Wow, you're a good guesser! **

**And the rest of the reviewers, thanks so much, and I will take your advice on where to take the next chapters. And I have a feeling this WILL be a monster fic. (Laughs hysterically)**

**Oh yeah, all, please go on my profile and do the poll. I'm trying to think of what fic to write after this. Please help me!**


	8. Voices

**MWAHAHAHA!!! This one is really long! I TOLD you guys it would be!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything in here that belongs to CLAMP**

**Please review (as always). ****And also tell me any characters you love and want to be put in. Or pairings or story ideas or plot twists or whatever. (I am so bored…)**

**Iku-chan**

**After It All**

**Chapter 8: Voices**

_When the twins were small, they used to play out in the fields with the other children. The children of the nobles and the rich and the government officials, of course, not any of the normal children. The twins were always together, always holding hands or having their arms linked together. Of course none of the children could tell them apart, but that didn't matter. None of the people really mattered to the twins in their secluded world._

_"Fai? If I died, what would you do?"_

_When Yuui asked him this, Fai turned to look at him in shock. They were only 9 and sitting in their room, looking out the window at the quietly falling snow together. This was merely a year before they were sent to that place and now there were questions of who would be the heir to the throne when no one knew who was born first._

_"I don't know," Fai had replied honestly, looking deep into the snow, not able to meet his brother's eyes. "I don't think I'll be able to survive without you."_

_Fai had a light blush on his face as Yuui grasped his hand. They were only children, but they had already made up their minds. They were always like this, side by side, each other's mirror. They felt as if they both were the same, and people shouldn't be able to tell them apart, because they weren't different people. They had known each other all their lives, they needed each other, and they needed that support. Even if one of their lives were cut short…._

_"Me neither," said Yuui, looking at the snow fall in light snowflakes over their country, the country that would soon be destroyed…_

_The snow began to build as they stood there, just enjoying each other's presence. If Fai were to look back on this, he would have realized how foolish he was. How foolish they both were… for believing everything was alright, everything was going to be okay forever. But it wouldn't be okay forever. Nothing could ever be okay forever._

_Because it was all just a dream wasn't it?_

"Because," said Fai, pressing his hands against the wall. "I didn't want to show you weakness."

"Who cares about your weaknesses?" asked Kurogane, infuriated. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does," said Fai, looking away, trying to back away from Kurogane but he held him in his place. "I am a weak person. You know that, right? You know that I wouldn't be able to live alone? I… I never have been able to. So… I'm sorry if I get in your way, or hold you back, or… I'm sorry, okay? If I could have any wish, I would wish for you to be let go. To be let go of the bond we have. So… the next time we see Yuko-san… I don't know what I would pay, but…"

"Don't," said Kurogane. "I already went to the witch."

"You…." Fai gaze didn't waver from Kurogane's this time. "You asked her… to break the bond?"

"No," said Kurogane. "I asked to save you, but it took a price."

"A price?"

"I… I have to stay with you forever. Even if you're cured, I still have to. And it doesn't really bother me, don't-"

But he was silenced by Fai kissing him on the lips strongly. Fai, his eyes closed, began to taste Kurogane. He was so much like his blood, a sweet, tangy flavor. He suddenly got the urge to bite Kurogane, a sudden burst of bloodlust… Fai pulled back instantly, not wanting to do anything unless he really needed it. But Fai really wanted to do more.

Fai abruptly slid away from Kurogane's grasp while he was still dazed and started to pack their clothes into their small bag. Kurogane silently began to help him, knowing that no words would have filled the gap between them that appeared at that moment.

"Thirsty?" _He was, but he didn't want to… he really didn't want to._

"What?"

"Are you thirsty?" asked Kurogane, looking at Fai with those horrible eyes of his.

The eyes that always made him feel uneasy.

Fai shook his head. "I want to try to hold back until I really need it. Because… Sometimes I feel as if I can't control myself."

Kurogane nodded. As Fai's attention shifted from his face to the things he was packing into the bag, he felt himself thinking back. To Ashura and everyone and… Oh god… Fai pressed a pale shaking hand to his mouth. He couldn't cry. He couldn't cry… not now. Fai squeezed his eyes shut, trying to stop himself, but then he heard a familiar deep voice.

"You know," said Kurogane, not looking at Fai. "I think what you said a while ago was true. It takes a certain amount of strength to cry when you should."

_"Weak…"_

_"I need you," _

_"Don't leave me, ever,"_

_"I love you,"_

_"If I died, what would you do?"_

_"I want to die,"_

_"Please…"_

_Voices… Then silence._

Fai felt the tears drip down his face as he cried.

"So everyone's all set?" asked Mokona happily, balancing upon Fai's thin shoulder.

Everyone nodded, even Kurogane, who was holding the bag. Mokona took a deep breath and quickly the wind engulfing them, leaving nothing behind.

"So where are we this time?" asked Fai happily as they landed face first on the ground of what looked like a deserted country.

All around them was emptiness, a very barren land, no people in sight, and only a few trees littered the brown sandy ground. They all got up, Mokona in Fai's hands. There was no noise except for the wind lightly brushing the sand around them.

"I don't know," said Syaoran. "But it looks familiar. Very similar to one of the countries my father and I visited once before. But… I was told that the country had died long ago…"

"So there's no people?" asked Kurogane.

"Are you sure you sense the feather, Mokona?" asked Fai politely, looking down at the white creature.

Mokona nodded. They kept walking down the deserted ground, every so often a tree popping up or a bush. But Fai had the eerie sense of someone following them… And every so often he heard a strange rustling behind him, or whispers, but he was sure it was just his mind playing tricks on him.

"K-Kurogane?" asked Fai, turning to Kurogane worriedly.

Kurogane shushed him. Fai felt silent, the feeling beginning to grow stronger as every moment passed.

"Ah!" cried Fai as a hand clamped over his mouth, quickly silencing him.

He heard the others being dragged down, even Kurogane's muffled swears, as Fai felt a gloved hand push on his pressure points, unconsciousness quickly washing over him.

"H-Haaah…" Fai breathed as he awoke on what felt like stone.

He opened his eyes slowly, looking around. It was pitch black. Fai felt around for something… anything but all he felt was stone… and some sort of bars, like those in a prison. Fai clung to them, even if they were coated in grime and dust.

"Kurogane! Mokona! Syaoran-kun!" yelled Fai, pounding his hands against the bars, trying to get noticed.

"Fai-san?"

"Syaoran-kun!" exclaimed Fai. "Where are we? Where's Kurogane and Mokona?"

"I don't know," said Syaoran, his voice close. "I think we're in some sort of prison…" (_Really_?)

Fai felt around once more, but there was nothing but dust. It smelled of mold and rotting flesh and something burning. Fai flinched as his hand hit a piece of glass. No blood, but part of the glass was stuck in his hand.

"Oi,"

A dull golden light shown through the crack of a door that was being opened. Fai heard footsteps growing closer to this cell as he tried to make out who the person was. He was… tall with wide shoulders, but Fai couldn't see anymore than that.

"Subaru-sama wants to see you," said the man as Fai heard the jingling of keys. "So don't try to escape, both of you."

Fai could see the shadowy outline of Syaoran as he was pulled roughly out of his cell, Fai following soon after. The man reminded him of Kurogane, only because of his muscularity and because he was 'a man of few words', but it still reminded it of him of Kurogane, and that made him lonely.

They were led down a poorly lit hallway that Fai thought was golden light but he was clearly mistaken, roughly being pulled by the man. Fai looked at Syaoran worriedly, but Syaoran had that determined look on his face. There was a feather in this country, the last feather, and they would have to get it no matter what.

It still smelled like mold and age and people, even if they were out of that place. They approached a door, slightly cracked open, and they prepared for the worst.

**Holy (insert swear word here)!!! That was long! I was writing it and then I realized… god this is way too long! I really, really liked this chapter though. Especially the part between Fai and Kurogane and the crying. Fai is so much like me it scares me… Please review! If you do I will give you a cookie! (not really) And this is nowhere NEAR the end.**


	9. Take my hand

**The chapters seem to get longer and longer, don't they? This one is SUPER angsty, so get ready!! (laughs)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything that CLAMP owns in this fan fiction. It's a Fan fiction, okay? That's why it's on here.**

**Please review. Tell me anything I need to improve on… It really helps!!! Any pairings or characters you want put in also.**

**Iku-chan**

**After It All**

**Chapter Nine: Take My Hand**

"Welcome," said a clear voice.

There was a man on a tall chair in the center of the room with straight black hair and green eyes, looking relaxed, with another main draped over him, balancing on the arm of the chair. He looked almost the same as the green-eyed one, except his eyes were blue and he had wavy hair. The strait-haired man had his hand over the wavy-haired (god… can't say who they are yet… this is getting tiring.) one's left arm, which was around his thin neck.

Fai couldn't breathe. The… aura that engulfed the room washed over him like a huge wave of sea water, choking him so he couldn't speak. The man closed the door with his foot as they all entered the room. It was barren of any furniture save the chair, but bookcases lined the walls, dusty as if they had never been read.

"You're names…" said the man on the right of the man seated on the chair.

"S-Syaoran," said Syaoran.

He obviously sensed the strong aura that engulfed the room, sweeping around their stiff bodies. The two people… they were so pale! And so alike… it was frightening in a way. But Fai was already feeling dizzy from being too close to them.

"Fai," choked out Fai finally, trying to be as far away as he could from the two, but he couldn't, for the strong man was holding him closer, along with Syaoran.

"I am Kamui," said the man seated in the chair. "And this is Subaru."

He motioned to the man next to him. Their voices were different, at least. Subaru's was higher pitched than Kamui's but other than that, they were the same. Kamui stood suddenly and motioned for the man to stop holding onto Fai. The man let go, and Fai stumbled a bit, careful not to knock into Kamui. Kamui reached out, his fingers almost touching Fai's face.

"Another one…" said Kamui quietly, so no one could hear.

He lightly brushed his hand against Fai's cold cheek. Fai froze. His hands were cold, almost as cold as Fai's and when he touched Fai's skin it felt as if Fai would collapse at any moment. It was unlike any other touch Fai had experienced, it somehow felt as if it was… someone non-living touching him. Like someone… dead.

"Kamui… That's enough," said Subaru, pulling Kamui back from Fai.

Fai's heart was pounding as he breathed in and out slowly. Subaru and Kamui eyed Fai curiously as he breathed painfully.

"Where are they?" Syaoran said bravely.

"You're companions?" asked Subaru. "They're…"

He turned to Kamui, hoping for some sort of help.

"Would you kindly escort Syaoran-kun to where the other prisoners are?" asked Kamui politely, motioning for Syaoran.

And so Fai was left alone… alone with the two that made his heart pound uncontrollably. Fai looked at them for a moment or two, he couldn't really tell, mostly looking at Kamui, because Subaru seemed relatively harmless….

"What is a vampire such as yourself doing here?" asked Subaru, his hands behind his back as he looked somewhere nowhere near Fai, as if in a daze.

"How did you know?" asked Fai.

"Your smell," said Kamui. "Both of us can sense it."

"But… How…?"

"We are also," said Subaru, looking to the walls again, although it looked as if he wasn't focused at all. "We are what you were to call 'Vampire twins'. Entirely codependent. One cannot live without the other. And when we sensed another vampire… we felt threatened. That you may try to attack us."

"But you are a new vampire," said Kamui. "So you are not as much as a threat."

Fai stared. So… their strange aura… that was why. But why were they here, running a whole country? And how did they get their supply of blood? Those were questions… Fai didn't want to know the answers to, let alone ask. Codependent Vampires, Fai had heard the term before. It was an ancient practice, one of the things Fai had studied when he was the head magician for Ashura in Celes.

That was a very, very long time ago.

"But how did you, ano… Subaru-sama, become king?" asked Fai nervously.

"We…" said Subaru, his hand brushing Kamui's. "They think of us as the heirs. Because… There was a legend that two twins that look like us… would someday rule the country. This country is very dependent on those legends and we took over."

"Then where were you before?" asked Fai.

Kamui looked at Subaru and Subaru didn't answer, as if he didn't see. Subaru slipped his hand into Kamui's and held out his hand, as if to offer it to Fai. Kamui slowly offered his also. Two identical hands, their palms the same. Clear and unmarked, pale as a ghost's.

"Take our hands," said Kamui. "We'll show you."

Fai felt himself losing consciousness and slipping into the depths of the twin's minds.

_"Whatever you do, don't let go of each other's hands," their mother reminded the two boys urgently. "Promise me."_

_She was a thin woman, of about thirty, few wrinkles on her face and her fingers thin and long. She had the same pale skin and bright blue eyes like Kamui's. But her hair was long and straight like Subaru's. Her eyes had the air of knowing, the exact same as Kamui's and Subaru's, as if she had known too much. There was a picture of a man that looked also like Kamui and Subaru._

_Fai wondered what happened to him._

_Their mother was desperately looking into the two boy's eyes. They were only about ten, looking down at their mother in fear. She couldn't get up, kneeling in front of the two boys, tears in her eyes. She was bleeding from her left leg and both of her arms._

_"But Oka-sa-" Kamui said, but was interrupted by his mother._

_"No," said their mother sternly. "Go! Now!"_

_She let go of them as they heard the yelling. Subaru looked at his brother for a second, and then there was a harsh knocking on their doors. Their heartbeats quickened as their mother motioned for them to leave. Kamui bravely took Subaru's hand and they sprinted for the back door. It slammed before they heard their mother's screams…_

_"I-I can't run anymore…" Said Subaru, bending over, his breathing labored._

_They had stopped in a desert, barely able to see the small city that they had left their mother in. They dropped to the ground, their breathing both difficult. All they could see was desert and the sand swept around them like a hurricane. All that was around them was shrubs and the occasional dead tree._

_"Me neither," said Kamui, breathing just as heavily and pressing a hand to his heart. "Where are we going?"_

_"Dunno," said Subaru. "But it's getting dark…"_

_They spent a few more moments breathing heavily until they looked around for somewhere to stay. They fell asleep trying to look for a place underneath a dead tree in each other arms with the little warmth it offered them._

_"Get up you little rats,"_

_They awoke to _them_, standing over the two like hawks over their pray. There were so many of them, all the same, wearing clothes of the royal guard. They showed no faces, and they didn't need to. Their aura's told it all. They grabbed Kamui and Subaru by the wrists roughly and pulled them up, taking them off to their prison…_

_"You…" The man paused, thinking of the word. _

_Fai could almost hear the thoughts voiced in his mind. _Sinners. What shall I call sinners? There, of course, is no appropriate name for such a thing._ Were his thoughts. It brought him back to everything. But the twins… the twins couldn't possibly have gone through such a thing as Fai and Yuui had. After all, they both were alive. After all, they both had each other._

_"Children… have to be punished."_

_"But we didn't do anything!" yelled Kamui._

_Subaru didn't say anything, only held Kamui back. The man with the knife didn't show his face, there was a mask covering everything but his smile. That horrible, horrible smile. It was dark, dirty, and frightening down there. In the depths of the dungeon, the depths of that prison. _

_"AH!" cried Subaru as his arm was sliced with the knife._

_The blood spilled all over the floor, his white shirt cut, but it didn't matter because it was already filthy. Subaru couldn't cry…. He had to be strong…. For Kamui. But the next thing he knew he was being kicked in the face, his mouth quickly filling with warm blood. He was beginning to feel faint, curling himself up against the floor, hearing his brother's choking sounds at the sight of Subaru, weak and exposed and defenseless._

_"Enjoy the time you're allowed to watch, little rat, cuz you're next," said the man, taking out his knife again._

_Subaru cried out again as he was sliced against the stomach, his shirt falling apart. He couldn't take the pain at such a young age. After all, they were children. Sinners, of course. But children. Only small children with desires and hopes of their own. _

_Didn't the people see? Didn't they see that children were the same as adults? And that whatever you did to them would be nothing different than doing it to someone older. Kids thought of it as something simple, but if it was… then why did the adults not understand? Why were they so confused? Kamui was only allowed to watch as his brother fell apart. Subaru finally passed out, and by that time Kamui was screaming._

_"Leave him alone," Kamui choked through his tears. "Leave him alone; just let him go, please! I'll take his place!"_

_But the man turned to Kamui, leaving Subaru in a bloody heap. Kamui felt pain, pain that almost blinded him, the sound of knife against flesh and his own screams mixed in with Subaru's. In spite of his condition he still thought, _Subaru, don't cry for me._ But they were both crying for each other. The only people who had kept their promises. The only people who had stayed by their sides forever._

_By the end they were both bleeding, huddled against the stone ground, dying. The tears stopped eventually, and so did their grasp of reality. They didn't even have enough energy to grasp each other's hands as their consciousness drifted away._

_And their hope drifted away like sand through your fingers._

_"I can't see you! I can't see you, Kamui! I can't open my eyes!"_

_All through the night Kamui held the frightened and crying Subaru, his older brother. But it hurt him to do so._

_When Kamui awoke Subaru was already awake, breathing heavily in the corner, pressing his fingers to the window so he could at least feel the cold on his fingertips, trying to visualize what was outside. But the outside was a bleak and hopeless sight, just as the dungeon was. Kamui touched his shoulder lightly and he turned around immediately. He felt Kamui's face slowly and threaded his fingers through his hair, just to make sure it was his brother._

_"Kamui…."_

_"Subaru, I'm here," said Kamui, trying to give his brother just a bit of comfort._

_It was amazing what just a sliver of comfort could do to people. It could be the thing between life and death, the line between sanity and insanity; it could make someone breathe again._

_"There's a bit of food," said Kamui. "We can split it between the two of us, easy. Open your mouth."_

_Subaru did as he was told and Kamui lifted the spoon to Subaru's lips. The bit of soup for each of them was enough to keep them alive (if one was to call watery broth soup) and it was enough to keep them hopeful, at least for a while._

_They fell asleep purely of exhaustion, only to be awoken by a man with a knife._

_"Are you sure you two want this?" asked the vampire, eying the two boys on the floor, grasping each other's hands. _

_They had trouble breathing now, their eyes not opening, and their voices hoarse and raspy. The only thing they could cling to was each other. _

_"Yes," said Subaru. "It's the only way we'll be able to… to…"_

_The vampire nodded, knelt down to both of them and bit them on the necks one by one. They thrashed in pain, but didn't scream or cry. They had cried and screamed and called out far too many times. They were too strong for that now._

_When they awoke they had an utter thirst for blood._

_Years and years after they had both been turned into vampires, on a cold night, Subaru and Kamui lay huddled together in their bed. Subaru was looking up at the ceiling while Kamui was reading. _

_"Kamui?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"Do you really suppose we deserve all this?"_

_Subaru motioned to the castle, the bed, the books. They had a home, they had food (prey), and they had everything they could ever wish for. Their scars had faded long ago, except those which lined Subaru's milky green eyes. Those milky green eyes that would never see again. Those milky green eyes which had stared halfhazerdly at Kamui many times, not actually able to see his face. He hadn't been able to for years._

_"We may," said Kamui, putting down his book. "Or we may not… Just… don't take it for granted, alright? At least we have something."_

_Subaru didn't answer only leaned his head on Kamui's shoulder._

When Subaru and Kamui let go of Fai's hands, Fai was choking on his own breath. He looked up at Subaru's eyes. They weren't green, they weren't green at all. They were a milky algae color. Subaru touched Kamui's hand for a second, having some sort of mental conversation.

"I'm sorry," said Fai finally, breaking the silence. "I'm so sorry, I-"

"You need not apologize," said Subaru. "Please, take a seat. We'll tell you the rest."

**God this one was REALLY, REALLY long. I hope you guys like that…??? I liked all the stuff on Kamui and Subaru too. And ALSO please, please vote on my poll. Thanks, bye!!**

**(oh yeah, review please)**


	10. Death

**WAAAH!!!! I almost CRIED writing this one! (****collapses**** in an angst-provoked loss of consciousness)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Tsubasa.**

**Please review and I'm SOOOO SORRY! GOMENASAI!!! It's late because I got some bad grades and my mom now limits me to ONE HOUR OF COMPUTER A DAY!!!! And with my constant writers block, that's torture!! (****You**** don't know how hard it was to write this chapter! And I think it's horridly written compared to the last one…)**

**Iku-chan**

**Oh**** yeah, this is DEFINATLY going to be a monster fic… MWHAHAHA)**

**After It All**

**Chapter Ten: Death**

Fai sat down, **f**eeling nauseous. Subaru and Kamui balanced themselves on the red chair in front of Fai and looked down at him with something like sympathy. They both were so… so pale! Like they were starved for days and even their faces were gaunt like when they were in that prison. But yet, after all they've been through, they still clung to each other like life support.

Despite it all, they still haven't broken.

It was because they had something to hang onto, something to live for. For that Fai envied the two. He envied them because they had someone that would always stay by their side, would always love them no matter what. He envied them because one of them weren't dead.

But wasn't it wrong to envy them for that? It's not like Fai could bring back the dead. It's not like he could make Yuui come back. In spite of it all, Fai wished he had someone like that. Someone he could love and they would love him back.

But he knew it would never be true… Only a fool would wish for such a thing…. And, in fact, Fai was a fool. Fai was a fool for so many reasons. He was a fool to even wish that Kurogane, or anyone, would care for him. He was a fool for actually feeling something for someone, because everyone ended up deserting him, or hating him, or whatever.

But still Fai clung to his wishes, even if they were foolish, like all humans tend to do.

"You are looking for something, correct?" asked Subaru, looking down at his lap.

"Yes," said Fai. "Do you know where it is?"

There was a sudden tenseness between the both of them, as if something couldn't be said, even between the two of them. _Sakura-chan. Sakura-chan needs that feather so she can be saved…_ It was a selfish thought, of course, but what did Fai know about the importance of the feather to the two? He was turning into someone he didn't want to turn into with all of his heart.

Did he really want to be like Syaoran? With no thoughts except for those you supposedly loved? No. That was wrong, very wrong. If you only thought about those you loved, wouldn't that make you miss what really mattered? You would end up thinking of everyone as scum, lower than him. And Fai didn't really want that, did he? He didn't want to turn into something he hated.

He didn't want to turn into a monster.

He didn't want to turn into Syaoran.

When he looked up at the twins, the twins looked as if pained, as if the past was finally catching up with them, and they couldn't breathe just as Fai was. Subaru placed a hand on Kamui's, as though as to stop him from doing something, but Kamui pulled away from his brother's cold touch.

"Fai-san," said Kamui, crossing his arms and looking away. "That's something we cannot tell you."

Subaru bit his lip and looked away from them both, looking at the window. The outside was bleak and hot and sandy. All you could see was the few guards that were positioned around the city and ruins of a forgotten town in the distance. Such lonely scenery. Such appropriate scenery for a country owned by these two. The two who had lost everything except for each other.

"Subaru's life is entwined with what you're looking for, that feather," said Kamui. "He will die if you take it away from where it is now."

Subaru fisted the side of Kamui's shirt nervously and looked him straight in the eye. There was suddenly a harsh knocking on the door, and it burst open. The three vampires turned to look at the door in shock. There was a guard, prisoners following him, in the doorway.

"Subaru-sama," said the guard, Syaoran, Kurogane and Mokona following him.

They all turned. Fai's eyes met Kurogane's for a second and then he looked away. Mokona was on Syaoran's shoulder as always and Kurogane was looking down, not speaking. But why wasn't he speaking? Did Fai do something to offend him? Why was he looking at him like he was about to abandon him…

_Don't leave me…_ Fai thought desperately in his mind. But of course, the look in his eye wasn't because he was going to leave Fai; it was because the last time the two had spoken was that time. The time when Fai had confessed it all….

_"It takes a certain amount of strength to cry when you should."_

But when is the time to cry and when is the time to smile? When is the time to be happy and the time to be sad? When is the time to grieve and the time to rejoice? When is a time to hold out your hand for someone you love? Honestly, Fai couldn't tell the difference from any of these questions. And besides, what was love if you're already broken?

"I see you found your friends," said Kamui, forcing a smile.

There was a crash suddenly, a crash that shook them all and they looked down. It seemed as the ground was caving beneath them. There were screams and suddenly Mokona's eyes flew open and Fai could sense a heavy presence, even more of a heavy presence than the vampire twins themselves, a presence that almost crushed him. It was the presence of Sakura's feather… but this was a different type of feather. One with more than Sakura's power.

It was because, of course, of Subaru's connection. With the power he already possessed combined with Sakura's he must be so powerful. Fai looked over to Syaoran. Just as he suspected, he has gone black. The aura around him was something of evil, something of darkness. Fai's empty eye socket beneath the cloth of the eye patch started to throb.

The real Syaoran was not with them anymore.

"I sense the feather…." Said Syaoran, his eyes dark.

Subaru's eyes closed and Kamui's opened and Fai felt beads of sweat gather underneath his chin. Syaoran suddenly focused on Subaru. Subaru didn't even flinch, only looked at Syaoran quite steadily despite his blindness, with no fear in his eyes at all. If Fai were in his position… he would have been more afraid.

"It's there," said Mokona, motioning to the ground where the crash had come from.

Syaoran ripped his eyes from Subaru's cloudy green eyes and Mokona and Syaoran rushed out of the room. Kurogane and Fai's eyes met for a split second and they followed after their companions, running as fast as they could down the marble stairs, careful not to trip.

It was quite cold in spite of the desert they were in. Perhaps it was the cold, or perhaps it was the stone that made up the castle's walls, or perhaps it was the strange aura that surrounded them all. It was an aura of sadness. An aura of someone who had been through everything and back again.

You could get through any amount of sadness, you would break but you would get through it, but how could you go back to how it was? How could you ever smile again?

Syaoran threw open a large door and they all entered, Kamui and Subaru following close after. They threw open a doo at the end of the hallway and they all stared.

The inside was absolutely bare except for what looked like a statue in the middle. A statue of a small girl, wearing a long flowing dress with her hands to her sides. Her eyes were closed and it looked as if she was made of glass. She looked strangely like Sakura but younger. In the middle of the sculpture was the feather, suspended in the glass, giving off a strong glowing aura that resembled Subaru's. Syaoran and Mokona approached the statues slowly.

"Don't!" yelled Kamui and Fai at the same time.

But when they tried to hold Syaoran back he threw them both to the ground. Mokona along with them. Subaru looked upon them in pain as he helped Kamui up. Syaoran touched the statue and Kamui once again lunged, Fai trying to grab Syaoran without success.

"Kamui, it isn't worth it," said Subaru.

Kamui looked over at Subaru. His eyes were closed but he seemed focused on the feather. But how did the feather and Subaru connect? And why did he say such a thing to Kamui? Did he want to die? Did he really want death when he still had someone that needed him, that loved him?

"What are you talking about?" yelled Kamui, still wrestling with Syaoran. "Subaru, you'll die!"

"It doesn't matter anymore," said Subaru quietly, looking away. "They need it and I-"

Kamui pulled away from Syaoran, a foolish mistake, and pinned Subaru to the wall. Subaru flinched as his head was flung back and blood splattered onto his hair. His teeth clenched in pain as he struggled in reflex against Kamui's strong grip. Syaoran looked at the two for only a moment and then advanced on the statue.

"Subaru, listen to me!" yelled Kamui. "You can't!"

He could. He could give up his life if he just let himself go. As long as Syaoran obtained the feather and Subaru let him take it willingly, he could die on the spot. But why? How could he hurt someone he loved just because of his own decision? Didn't he care? Didn't he want to live on and be with Kamui? If Fai could… If Fai was in this situation he would have never let the feather go.

But then again, Fai was horribly selfish.

But Syaoran didn't listen to Kamui. He didn't even hear him. He couldn't, because he wasn't Syaoran anymore. He was only _ko_. Only an empty soul without feelings or consciousness. He placed his hand on the glass and the feather floated out of the statue slowly.

Subaru eyes drifted closed and he suddenly caved into Kamui's arms. Syaoran curled his fist around the feather. _Sakura-chan…_ Thought Fai as Kurogane stood next to him in silence, looking at the whole situation with calm eyes. How could he be calm? How could he be calm when everyone around him was breaking? How could his eyes not brim with tears when he watched the two?

Maybe that was why Fai chose him above everyone else.

"Wh-What? Don't leave me, Subaru!" yelled Kamui.

Subaru reached up, his fingers shaking, and held Kamui's face quietly. Kamui was already crying and the tears dripped down Subaru's pale hands. Syaoran looked over to them and suddenly the feather started to disappear into a cloud of golden dust, slipping through his fingers. Subaru's breathing seemed labored as he tried to choke out something to Kamui.

"Kamui, they need-"

But then Subaru's head fell into Subaru's chest, turning colder than he already was, all the color rushing out of his face. Kamui let go of Subaru's hands and started to cry even more, holding him close. Fai looked at them, not crying, recognizing this scene from his own memories. He knew how it felt to hold a dead person to your chest, not feeling a heartbeat anymore, the only thing you can hear is your own breath.

As they all looked upon the two, Syaoran with his emotionless expression, Mokona with tears in its eyes and Fai with recognition. But Kurogane was looking down at Fai, with something like worry. Because Fai looked as if he was going to cry, even though he wasn't. He looked as if he was in need of comfort. Of any kind. Because what kind of person could watch such a thing happen to someone and not need comfort?

"Transport us now," said Syaoran.

As they were all surrounded by wind and Mokona started to swallow them all (sorry, couldn't think of a better word than swallow!) Fai looked up at Kurogane. Kurogane took his and silently, offering some sort of comfort to the blonde. Fai bit his lip as they left the twins huddled together, both cold, but only one broken.

One that would surely share in their brother's fate.

**In case you didn't know… The last sentence means that Kamui eventually committed suicide. Gomen, but he would eventually. Please review, and tell me if there are any pairings/characters that you would like to be put in.**

** I'm sorry this wasn't written as well, but it was really, really hard to write. And the chapters will be coming out slower, but please excuse it, because it isn't really my fault. And I will assure you, they WILL be written better.**

**And also, if anyone can guess what 'ko' are, I will be surprised! Thank you all for sticking with me this long.**


	11. Eyes and hearts and angst and stuff

**WHAT AN UPDATE??? NO WAY!!! Well****… Sorry this was out so late. But I just went to the doctors and got like FOUR SHOTS!!!! It was horrible. And now my arms hurt. Maybe that's why I didn't update faster… (****Maybe****. Or maybe I'm just really lazy. Whatever.)**

**Iku-chan**

**After It All**

Chapter 11: Eyes

"Y-Yuko-san," said Watanuki nervously, staring out the window at the pouring rain.

Yuko Ichihara looked out the window beside her employee, staring out into the rain. There were three men and a strange creature balancing on the tall blonde's shoulder. They all looked sort of miss-matched; standing out in the pouring rain, looking around for someone they knew should be there. They all were wearing tattered, soaked and dirty clothes which looked like they were from different countries, different worlds, in which they very well were.

Yuko didn't bother to answer Watanuki, for he already knew where she was going. She slid open the doors and slowly stepped down the stairs, ready to greet her customers. It seemed as if they were all battered and bruised and tired, the blonde tiredly holding the tall tan one's hand, the white creature sitting tiredly on his shoulder. The child, no, he wasn't a child. He wasn't a child anymore. A child could not do such things to people and not feel any guilt.

No, he wasn't a child at all.

The blonde beside him was more of a strange sight, though. He had a black eye patch over his right eye and his light blonde hair was tied on the nape of his neck. His face was pale, and the hand that was linked with the man beside him was shaking. They were all pale, all sweating in the harsh pouring rain, all afraid and desperate for someone to help them.

But how could help come to people who all their lives been through such hardships? Why would they be helped now, of all times? Yuko didn't answer as she stood in front of the foursome, because she didn't bother to try to find out the answer.

It had happened so many times before. They came. They needed something, something Yuko could grant, and she granted it. She didn't _feel_ anything for the people. They weren't friends. They weren't enemies. They were customers.

None of the people's wishes she granted had anything to do with her, and she wanted it to stay that way. But with these four, she had something to do with it all, and it sickened her. But what could she do?

She knew too much and this was the truth. She had involved herself too much, with Clow, with Watanuki, with everyone. And she was beginning to regret it. The white creature quietly bounced onto her shoulder and she softly stroked its long white ears. Watanuki was watching behind the window, but it didn't matter, because weren't they already too far in to get themselves back out?

"You… have a wish?" asked Yuko, placing her hand back on her side.

Syaoran's eyes were determined like always. But they weren't Syaoran's eyes. Oh no, these were the eyes of something totally different. They were the eyes of _ko_, the eyes of vermin. But if a person asked, she, of course, had to grant their wish.

That was her price, after all…

"I want Sakura back," said Syaoran.

His eyes were determined and dark. Well, I should say eye. The blue eye was light and unfocused, as if it couldn't really see what was going on. Perhaps it was because it still held a bit of Fai with it.

"There will be a price," said Yuko, not surprised. "You do know that, don't you?"

Syaoran didn't need to answer, only waited for Yuko's answer.

"The price will be," said Yuko, twirling a lock of her long black hair through her long white fingers. "That eye."

All four froze. Fai turned to look at Syaoran, expecting a fight, or at least a refusal. But there was… nothing.

Just… nothing.

He merely lifted his hand up, slowly but surely, and pressed it over his closed eye socket. Fai turned, not wanting to watch, already feeling sick to his stomach. Syaoran didn't say anything, didn't make any noise of pain or discomfort. He was past that. Fai turned to look at Kurogane, who was looking down at him, as always, with concern.

It wasn't only a romantic type of caring he looked down at Fai with. It was as if he was looking at his child, a child that needed protecting. Maybe after all of this, all that had happened, Kurogane was sort of like a replacement parent to Fai. A replacement for everyone. Chii, Ashura, Yuui… everyone. But… no. He wasn't just a replacement…

He cared for Fai. He cared for him more than anything.

And that was all that really mattered, wasn't it?

Fai let himself drift back to reality, turning to look at Syaoran, ripping his eyes from Kurogane's intimidating red ones. Syaoran's right eye was closed, and his fist was clenched. Fai bit his lip as Syaoran came closer to him. Fai closed his eyes (eye) and felt something go down his throat. Something cold and familiar.

He kept his eyes closed as he felt something returning to him. Something that shouldn't have been gone in the first place. In one swift movement, Syaoran took the eyepatch off of his face, leaving his cheeks strangely bare. Fai opened his eyes slowly. Everything was a white blur at first, everyone was, but then his vision began to come back to him.

He turned first to look at Kurogane. Their hands were apart, polar opposites, tan and pale. When had he let go of his hand? Fai broke the short eye contact and turned to look at what was happening. Syaoran, where Fai's right eye used to be, had the eyepatch over his eye and he was watching intently as the familiar magic circle appeared silhouetted against the ground around the space-time witch.

She raised her hands, the black Mokona on her shoulders, closing her eyes. She muttered something, in Japanese or in some other language. It sounded as if ancient, powerful. Wind rushed around them all, Yuko still muttering to herself determinedly, her long black hair swirling around her kimono, even if Mokona was finding it hard to hang on to her shoulders. The wind closed in on itself, becoming more like a small tornado, coming to the center, a shadow forming in its middle.

The circle broke, engulfing them all in grassy dust, and Fai squinted to see the figure in the dust closer. It was a figure of someone familiar, someone dear to them all. The figure was splayed onto the floor, her long arms stretched out to the ground. Her dress was white and flowing and her hair was silky and short around her pale chin.

"Sakura!" yelled Syaoran, running out to the figure, his personality changing suddenly and his eyes becoming bright again.

Yeah, right. (Insert a 'pssht' here')

She said something, her eyes opening wide and smiling, but then wrapped her arms around the brown-haired teen, burying her head in his neck, brown hair against brown. They held each other tightly, looking up at each other and smiling happily. A smile which hadn't grazed Syaoran's lips for months. Her eyes were a beautiful green, like the grass beneath them both, and they sparkled as they both got up. Her eyes met with the rest of the group and Fai allowed himself a smile, and half of one fell across Kurogane's mouth as Sakura held Mokona, laughing, her green eyes bright.

_I've never seen eyes that beautiful._ Thought Fai as Sakura embraced him. He let himself close his eyes as Sakura's small hands clutched the back of his shirt. She was so small, as if she was going to break in his arms. Kurogane watched over them, feeling as if he had accomplished something, seeing the magician smile. Fai released Sakura from his arms and they all turned to look at Yuko.

"Then are you ready to leave?" asked Yuko, looking upon them all with her kimono-covered arms crossed.

"Can we?" asked Sakura nervously, she looked over at the blonde, sensing his hurt.

Fai nodded, smiling although he wouldn't see the princess again. Mokona was rested on her shoulder and Syaoran was grasping her hand. Fai couldn't tell if Syaoran was back, though. He couldn't bring himself back to his former kindness, if he had done all that he had done. But he still smiled at her, acting as if everything was alright.

Kurogane was sure that if Fai left Sakura and even Syaoran it would be like leaving his children. He cared for them all, looked over them all with smiling eyes, and he would have liked it better if they would have stayed. But he wouldn't say anything. He never said anything if he thought it might hurt someone.

"I suppose Fai is staying with you in your Nihon, then?" asked Yuko, turning to the ninja and the magician.

The ninja nodded. Sakura and Syaoran turned back to the two.

"We'll try to visit you," said Sakura, smiling as her hair flew around her as wind surrounded the two teens as Mokona began to transport them. "Bye!"

"Good-bye, Sakura-chan," said Fai, smiling, waving as they disappeared.

Kurogane could tell it was a full-hearted smile. He… truly cared for the princess. He was like a mother to the two teens. He was taking care of them all, in spite of everything that had happened to him, he loved them all. Yuko looked upon Mokona as he hopped over to Fai and Kurogane.

"We'll miss you Mokona," said Fai, kneeling down to shake the strange creature's paw.

"You can always stop by for a drink," said Yuko slyly, eyeing Watanuki. "He'll make some."

"No drinking!" Burst out Watanuki, like a mother scolding her child.

Fai smiled as the windswept around the two and they were soon engulfed in a cloud of dust.

**That was… that was… THAT WAS HORRIBLE! I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF! Well, I just started a new story (Fan fiction? No. It may be on fictionpress though.) And I'm kind of absorbed in it. I had to write this chapter. Trust me… the next chapter will have Fai going partially insane and Kurogane and Fai going back to Nihon!!!! (Claps ecstatically) **

**Oh yeah, I want to know how old you guys think I am. Start guessing now!!!!!! (Phantom angel, you can't guess. You already know)**


	12. Chapter 12

**So, everyone.**** Here goes. ****The last chapter**** So here we go everyone****!! Please review… last chance to tell me what you all think!!**

**Iku-chan**

**After It All**

Chapter 12 (THE LAST CHAPTER!!!): Sakura Mankai

Fai felt a cherry blossom fall onto his face. He stood up from where he was laying and looked around. The air around him smelled of flowers. Fai blinked and turned around. There was Kurogane, rubbing his forehead and looking around at his home. It was beautiful, the houses all lined up, the main palace a castle among ruins. There were Sakura all around, and it was quiet. It was wonderfully quiet.

"Let's go," said Kurogane.

And they faced their new life together.

"This is where you will be staying, Fai-san," said Tomoyo, motioning to the door on her left.

They had only met briefly, in the dining hall when they all had dinner in the main banquet hall. Tomoyo was polite and pretty, and everything Fai would have expected her to be. She and Kurogane had some sort of bond. They were like siblings, big brother and little sister, but they had something else too. But Fai couldn't feel jealous. They were housing him, feeding him, keeping him safe.

"Thank you, Tomoyo-san," said Fai, smiling, bowing in the new shirt and pants that Tomoyo had given.

She began to tell him where the bathroom, Kurogane's room (which was right next to Fai's), and everything else was, but Fai wasn't paying attention. Was he really supposed to live like this? Was he supposed to be safe forever, with Kurogane and never to worry about danger anymore? That couldn't be true. Fai never knew a life without danger, without hurt, without death.

"Fai-san?"

Fai turned. "S-sorry, Tomoyo-san," he said, smiling.

"You know, you're very pretty," said Tomoyo, smiling back at him, putting her hands together. "You should dress up more often. I can make you more clothes."

There was a glint in her eyes. Fai studied her more closely. She was wearing a pink kimono, her hands pale and unblemished, her hair tied up neatly in a bun. She had pitch black hair and dark eyes, and her face was pretty. Kurogane could see why he liked her. But Kurogane was up in the dojo, practicing.

"Maybe," said Fai. "My room's right here?" he motioned to the room to his left.

Tomoyo nodded. "Sleep well," she said, waving and walking down the hall to her own room, which was guarded by several stern men.

Fai pulled open the sliding door and looked around. There was a bed, a bedside table, a bathroom in the corner, and a huge window on the west side. He could only see the Sakura trees faintly in the dark, and he slipped of his shirt, sliding under the covers. He surrendered himself to sleep almost instantly, the last things he heard or thought was the chime of the clock in the hallway.

_"Fai, I love you, you know that, right?" asked Yuui, staring into his twin's eyes. His tone was urgent as he held onto Fai's thin shoulders__ with shaking hands_

_Fai's eyes were filled with confusion. "Yes. Why are you telling me?"_

_"Because…."_

_He trailed off. Fai didn't know the real reason. He didn't know the reason why Yuui was telling him this now. They were the same, in every way. But Yuui knew something that Fai didn't. __Something that would tear them apart forever._

_"I love you too, Yuui," said Fai, wrapping his arms tightly around his brother's neck and feeling identical arms hold him around the stomach, only because it seemed appropriate to do so._

_Yuui buried his face in Fai's neck so he wouldn't see._

_Fai didn't notice it, but Yuui was crying._

_****_**Angst… (Sniffs)**

_"Yuui__ Don't leave me!" yelled Fai, trying to reach out to touch his brother's hands desperately._

_"I-It's only for a little while Fai," lied Yuui, struggling against the guard's firm hold under his arms, trying to be the elder one, trying to comfort his little brother._

_Their clothes were both tattered and their hair was matted to their foreheads with sweat. They looked about ten or so, but you couldn't tell with their faces. They were innocent faces, the faces of children. They were absolutely identical, even their voices. One could imagine they were thinking the same thing as they were torn apart from each other._

_"Yuui!"__ Fai cried as Yuui's head smashed into the wall and he grimaced in pain._

_Blood flew from his head and stained his hair__. It was__ a strawberry color. __Such a pretty color.__ Such __an__… innocent color, the color of blood. As they were pulled apart__, their identical arms reaching out desperately for each other,__ all Fai was thinking of was his brother. All his thoughts were of his mirror as he was dragged up the stairs. They didn't care what the twins thought, because to them the twins were less than human. They didn't care what these children felt… pain or happiness or otherwise. _

_Fai remembered he used to pray. __Early, when he hadn't lost his hope completely.__ He prayed for a lot of things. He prayed for Yuui. He prayed for himself. He prayed that they would be let out of this place. He prayed that he would be loved._

_He was such a selfish child._

_As he was thrown against the tower's walls, the skin of his arms being broken, he clenched his teeth. But that was all he could do. Cry, clench his teeth, and hope he could get through it all. He curled himself up, trying to fight of his tears. He could hear Yuui's screaming beneath the tower, but it was faint._

_"Don't leave me," he whispered just to himself, pressing his small hands on the cold stone wall, listening to his brother's screams with widened, dead, blue eyes. "I love you, please don't leave me…."_

Fai's eyes opened wide as he awoke.

"A-A nightmare…" He assured himself, breathing heavily. But his face was still stained with tears. "J-just… memories…" But still he could see his brother's face clearly in his mind, trying to reach out to him, his eyes sad and ghost-like as if it just had happened all over again.

He was sweating and his hair was matted to his head. He threw off his covers and walked over to the bathroom door, running a long fingered hand through his golden blonde hair. He splashed water over his face and looked at himself in the mirror. He had color in his face. It was warm to the touch. His eyes were lively and bright, even if he was scared.

He was scared of his memories. He was scared of himself. Scared of the person that had let everyone down. He was scared of himself, the person that couldn't save his brother, Chii, Ashura, everyone, from dying. The selfish person who never, ever, would be normal. Who would always need someone else in order to live.

Fai looked down at his bare chest, his eyes drifting onto the pale skin. His eyes widened. The scars… they were fading. Faintly, but still, they were healing. Fai bit his lip as he walked out the bathroom, turning of the light. Perhaps it was because Ashura was dead. Perhaps it was because he was safe. Whatever. It didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was healing.

He slipped on his white shirt Tomoyo had given him, buttoning it up, closing his eyes and muttering to himself.

"Oi,"

Fai turned around. There was Kurogane, a glass of water in his hand, his hair tousled like he just got out of bed, his white kimono hung over him loosely. Fai smiled lightly.

"Why are you up?" Fai asked.

"Couldn't sleep,"

Fai felt something rise up in his throat as he saw how Kurogane was looking at him. _No, no, no, no, no…_ He moaned in his head as he tried to smile once again, but it came out as a grimace of pain. He looked at him… like Yuui looked at him. He looked at him with care.

Even though… even though he was nothing at all like Yuui, he resembled him most. He cared for Fai, just like Yuui did, he stuck by his side, and he even kissed him without flinching. Without closing his eyes. Without hurting him and leaving him. But despite it all, Fai didn't understand. Fai didn't understand why Kurogane liked him so much.

Anyone _reasonably_ sane would have left him already.

"Fai, you okay?" asked Kurogane, putting a tan hand on Fai's shoulder.

Fai blinked, looking up. Kurogane was surprisingly close. Fai shook his head and leaned his face on Kurogane's chest. Kurogane froze for a second but kept his hand on Fai's back. Fai was shaking as his hands tightened on the sleeves of Kurogane's kimono. His head was burning on Kurogane's chest.

"Don't leave me," he said quietly.

"I'm not gonna leave you-"

"No, you don't understand," said Fai, looking up at Kurogane angrily. "You're leaving me already. Don't…"

Fai suddenly collapsed in Kurogane's arms, his eyes fluttering closed. Kurogane slammed his water down on the bedside table and pulled Fai to his feet. Fai's eyes opened and Kurogane put a hand on his forehead. It was flaming.

"God, you're burning up," said Kurogane, holding Fai up under the arms.

"S-Sorry," said Fai, forced.

"Wait here," said Kurogane, setting Fai down on his bed as he briskly walked out of the room.

Fai flopped himself down on the bed, putting a hand on his forehead. Wow, he really was burning up. Fai pulled the covers up to his neck and pressed his lips together. He turned over, his blue eyes closing. As he felt Kurogane press the ice pack to his burning forehead he lifted his arms and wrapped his arms around Kurogane's neck.

"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Kurogane, trying to keep the ice pack on Fai's forehead.

Fai nodded. Kurogane hugged him back, hesitantly but defiantly, and Fai buried his fingers in his hair, smelling his neck, content for the while.

_It would never be okay. But they would heal eventually. Because, after it all, what else you could do but __try as best as you can to __heal?_

**So that's it. The end. But… (****Dramatic**** pause) YOU CAN STILL READ MY STUFF AT FICTIONPRESS!!! Just go to **** and search sakiikumi (my pen name) or search the story title 'paint' with the author sakiikumi. If you review I'll be really happy!**

**Thank you SOOO much to all that reviewed!! Oh yeah,**_** gomensai**_** To all the PMs I didn't answer!! I was grounded!! (That's why this one's out soooo late…)**** And sorry, -Phantom-angel, I didn't give you my**_** age**_**, but I gave you the ballpark range.**

**But anyway… thank you everyone. And yeah, I'm not even in high school ye****t. I'm thirteen. Hope to see you all again!**


End file.
